发 现 了 让 了 我 感 动 的 信 息

今天我看回所有留着在我msn hotmail的信箱，

多也不是很多，少也不是很少

也许有些我以前delete了，

目前还有12180封还没delete~

许多回忆能看得回，

最让我当场流泪了，哭了

是2年前我堂姐和亲戚信息我跟我所了一大堆话让了我感动⋯

（大堂姐）

i read ur new blog. And found out how stupid u are.

U know why u end up like that?

I tell u now.

ever since u were young, grandma help u do all the hsework.

If u think washing cloths, throwing rubbish, mop floor is so damn tired.

I tell u what i have been through..

Ever since im 9 yrs old, i been doing all those stuffs. And, not only that i have to iron my sis and bro skool uniform every morning before skool until i finish form 5.

I wasn't happy also that time. But seriously, i learn alot. I learn how to deal with life. I learn how to deal with stress. I happy that my mum been strict to me.

Actually my mum wasn't as strict as compare to me last time.

U just clean ur own stuff and think very tired. U are very wrong.

U know, why she don't let u use washing machine, computer, and shampoo etc?

i tell u why.

Maybe she was overly protective over u.

She was trying to avoid u from meeting new online bad guy from using computer.

Washing machine is becoz she wants u to know, nothing comes by just snapping ur fingers. U have to do ur own kiosk when u reach 18. Do u know, she actually will spend more money if u hand wash ur cloths? U know water and washing powders will use more?

Shampoo, is becoz u are spending money to see guys, buy reload card to chat with guys. It not like u cannot, is, she was trying to let u know, money is hard to find.

I think u noe now.

Like i said, u are childish. What u see is very based on appearance.

Love doesn't mean have be like ur best fren, u noe?

u cannot expect everyone to love u like ur father.

Everyone character over to show love is different.

You go find 1000millions in this world to love u like ur father, u will never find.

It is the same as, how my mum educate us is different than how ur father educate u.

The last question u might wanna ask is why im treating u wasn't as good as before?

1st of all, i think i did alot for u.

Do u know i have money problem on my studies?

Rm10 a day for my daily expenses? I often spend money on u..like buying stationeries, ur panties.. U know i have nearly have no money to eat.

ok, money is no big deal coz can earn back.

U noe why there's one time my mum ask u no need to wash cloths edi for the whole family only mop floor on sat or sun, i asked her to do so.

Because i know u're tired and have exams coming up.

But why end up like that?

Becoz u didn't appreciate what u have.

U just wanna enjoy..and my mum couldnt stand ur princess attitude and wanna make u work.

About what my mum said bout ur dad and ask u go find guy ran away. She was angry when she said that.

Seriously, think again. When u first came to my hse, how my mum treat u? She treated u like her own daughter. Maybe u didn't notice..

U shd change ur behaviour over how u think of ppl. U are too negative to think like everyone owe u.

Do mention that my mum is my dad "ex wife".

So, u noe she have no obligation to take care of u.

U noe, my bro have no obligation to pay ur father's rental and bring to from skools to skools?

U noe my sis have no obligation to pay ur meals and bring u out?

Maybe my sis scolded u becoz of the dog.

But u have no idea, is not just a dog. The dog is part of our family. U nvr understand becoz u havent rare a dog before.

Why are we doing this? because we treat u as family. u might think because of grandma.

Yes, because of grandma we are family.

im not trying to say u are wrong and we are right.

i just want u to understand in life, not everything goes ur way.

everyone have their attitudes.

maybe is we cannot stay together. Because we don't know u well, and u don't know us well. So, there are conflicts of interests.

Maybe its a correct choice for u choose orphanage home. It is a good place to learn how to deal with ppl and to really be independent.

The last thing i wanna mention is, if u wanna be happy and to be love.

First thing to u have to do is, love urself.

And, don't be so calculative. It's true.

If u're calculative, u will start to count how good is other's life is and how bad is urs.

The more u don't calculate, the happier u are. It is simple to say, but very hard to be done.

I know, what im telling u now might be useless because u're only 15 now. Try read this again when u're 18 or 21.

U will see things differently.

-take care-

（2堂姐）

恭喜你终于自由了，我们不会逼你回来所以你放心也不用刻意去避开

我。保重，好好照顾自己，不要乱乱信任其他人。

（1堂哥）

halo, its me . am still hoping u could discuss with me or at least update me about ur ongoings. whatever u discuss would be private n confidential , only me n esther knows. It was always my and esther's intention to see you thru and guiding so that life has hope, and friendship and love. I know, our friendship with you is rather shallow due to our past history. But why dont give a chance, by at least discussing it with us? I am still open hearted, i cant guarantee u a physical or a quick solution to the life that u wan, but at least with discussion, i can see where we can proceed, for the sake of your wellbeing and hope.

（2堂哥）

can no problem...give me ur handphone number also yeah...my handphone number is 017-xxxxxxx..which ophan u need to tell me..i will come..i do not want to blame u,for whatever u choose from now ah kor support u as long that u going right way..going wrong way nvm as long that ah mui,janet will turn back to right way..promise me 1 thing..do not run anyway again,learn to overcome problem.if u feel hurt phone me n i will come at ur side n listen to u..''life is like that,u do whatever good to them sure forget,bt when u wrong alway remember''.for what,whoever correct or wrong just forgive them.said thank or sorry.how upset u r mui,learn to make urself smile.life r more hurt then happy.when u facing world that more worse..the world people r evil.so learn to overcome those evil.do not fight with them.this i cnt said u coz i not understand u bt is good to know this,alway pt in heart maybe u can be strong''maybe u think urself as like that u r pity, u r poor,u r useless,meaningless bt alot outside people r pity n poor their just learning to stand out so mui learn to stand out no matter how hurt''..if u feel no one understand u..sure people do not understand u.do u have tell them who u r really,do u have tell them what inside ur heart n mind learn to show urself more mui.if u said no one love u..how about jesus,jesus died for us bt did't the world love jesus.NO..me,ya! my face like don't love u..actually i worry u so much coz u r my sister.something outside u see the person like not like u,but inside people like u,just he donnot show it..pls!in here i said like tat to u face with u ;P...GAMBATE! me i sayang my parent so much they still said i bad son ger.life is like that.BLABBLABKA!!!u r really like to join orphan then with relative?actually i have thing this.aunty sue maybe okay with u.she like you.just i do not know what u thinking.maybe u don't like my opinion hehe..what u think?

（婶婶，叔叔）

Hi Janet, how are you? where are you? we all worry about you...can you call me or reply me please?

Allie

you can come back home n stay with me. i wont force you to go to school if you dont want to study. I only hope for your safety as it is dangerous to stay alone outside. Please come back ok.

（表哥）

回家好好念书吧~不要让你的家人失望~你的事情我也懂得很多~


姑姑）
（

u know u do like that will make uncle worry..why u still want to go away ler... .so where r u now ?? want to come back or not ?? we all r worry about u ya..pls reply me .... 明明就是有很多人关心我的， 为什么我当初就是看不见？ 我看了，流泪了， 但一切已经回不到去了⋯ 之前一直认为没人疼爱我， 身边就很多人关心我，疼我的， 但我没发觉到，还1次1次的让他们对我失望⋯    也看了以前写的blog， 多愚蠢，多傻，多幼稚 看回以前的信息， 为的男人付出过的， 流过的泪⋯ 天， 你可以还我13岁前的我吗？ 已经回不到去了， 多怀念，多后悔，也没用了⋯ 好想盖着我双眼， 躺着在个很宁静，很舒服的地方 什么也不用理，什么也不用想， 很痛快的任我喊，任我哭， 那些回忆， 真让我痛苦一辈子， 但， 天好像在玩我这样？ 明明已经忘了，已经看不见了， 但在这个地球偏偏会给你遇见回， 已经没联络的， 他就偏偏会打给我⋯ 我⋯ 无言了⋯ 我一直告诉我自己， 我现在最爱的人是叶先生， 过去的，也别想了~ 我也有关心我的人， 他们也想要我活的好， 做回自己，为自己打算， 是我现在该做的⋯